Hi. I own an avocado plantation in Alaska. When I need some extra help, for instance for the harvest or repainting a barn, there's a street you can go to hire, um, semi-legal Guatemalan workers. Obviously, this is very convenient when you're caught short-handed. Anyway the other day, my friends and I wanted to get together to play some serious football (hey, fock ball sounds cool!), but only five showed up so we had to go home again. So I got to thinking: wouldn't it be great if there...

Ever watch a soccer game where by the 28th minute you just knew there wouldn't be any goals scored that day? You could see it in some games in the world cup - in some games, both teams were so scared of being scored upon that they only attacked with one man, who had to deal with ten defenders. Boring! My idea is to introduce goals that slowly become larger, maybe a foot in width and heigth per five minutes, in the second half of scoreless games. Late in the game, those huge goals will...

Instead of wearing jeans or combats, just sew sum thick denim to the inside of any trousers on the knees, the hips and buttocks, and even put a hardwearing layer of plastic between on the knees to provide extra protection without the need to wear thick heavy and oh so common jeans to your favourite leisure park, the skate park.

Overweight people all across the country are going home to sit on the couch and watch TV. My idea is to create a stationary bicycle the is attached either to a generator or simply to a device that can measure workload, attach this to your TV so that the TV doesn't work unless you are pedaling. This will ensure that, for the duration of the show, you aren't sitting on you butt eating Doritos and watching TV all night.

Neon lit snowboards. Hmmmmn! Hit the half-pipe slopes in a new futuristic style! Be a star burning in time during evening competition, practices or whenever you just wanna let it rip! What an idea! Got plenty more for sale! Comments: E-Mail Zachary Ybarra at mailto:joanny23@aol.com. Please show me some gratitude. Uhhh....... Please!

Two of the biggest problems in the United States are energy shortage and the population of obeicity in the US. So take all of the out of shape people and put them on exercise bikes that create electricity. Two problems solved.

Have you ever been snowboarding and wondering what time it is, but you don't want to take off your warm cozy mittins to look at your watch? Well, I think snowboards should come with a watch in the area of the board between the feet. It would be so much easier and no more dropping your mittins off the chair lifts!!

It is football with hockey equipment, without the skates. Played in snow, there is an area of tightly packed snow in the middle and deep snow on the outsides. The same rules as football, no downs or yards. Go until you get a touchdown or there is an intereception, fumble, or kicking the ball. Very fun game.

European soccer fans are not allowed to drink beer during most international games. The reason is that some hooligans are known to react aggressively on alcohol. So, as always, the majority gets punished because of a few idiots. As a Czech citizen, I enjoy drinking beer with a good soccer match, and I stay very relaxed and peaceful after that. My idea is that the European Football Association should issue official beer drinker's passports for soccer fans, attesting how they react on...

Those who enjoy carving skiing might have already noticed this little problem: Carving without skiing poles can be a lot of fun, but as soon as you line up for the ski-lift, getting ahead can become really hazardous. Things are worse on an uneven surface; once your skis start following gravity, there's not much you can do against it (unless you find someone to hold on to). I am still waiting for an invention to prevent carving skis from moving when you don't want them to. Quite logically,...